idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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