The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
