I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
