In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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