Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
