saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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