and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
