you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
