Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
