I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
