People with herpes should wear stickers.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
