Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
