Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
