It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
