I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
