I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
