I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
