I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
