i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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