And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
