I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
