Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
