A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Man, jail baloney is awful.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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