the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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