your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
