FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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