why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
