Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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