I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
