I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
