You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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