Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
