god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I could make wine with my vomit
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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