Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
