Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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