coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
