i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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