this beer tastes like vomit already
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
