remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
