Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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