Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
