Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
