How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
