My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
