its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As shirtless as possible
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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