Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
