And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
