I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
