i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
