Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
