So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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