Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
