...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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