On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
do herpes really smell.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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