Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
