all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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