She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
