Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
